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10.29.2025
Lori Gottlieb: Stop Mistaking Calm for Boring! (Follow THIS Simple Rule to Build REAL Love)
When was the last time you felt truly at ease with someone?
Do you feel that kind of ease often, or was it rare?
In this special live episode recorded at the DAR Constitution Hall in Washington, D.C., Jay sits down with bestselling author and therapist Lori Gottlieb to explore the hidden dynamics that shape our relationships. Together, they unpack why so many of us feel the need to “perform” for love and how fear of rejection, perfectionism, and old emotional patterns can quietly erode connection. Lori shares how true intimacy begins with acceptance, not just of our partners, but of ourselves, and why showing up authentically is the only way to feel genuinely seen.
Through humor, warmth, and real audience interactions, Jay and Lori dive into topics like vulnerability, emotional safety, and the balance between “me time” and “we time.” They share how to stop trying to fix or control your partner, how to communicate without defensiveness, and how to build relationships rooted in curiosity and compassion instead of criticism.
This conversation is a reminder that love isn’t about finding someone who reads your mind, it’s about learning each other’s language, embracing imperfections, and creating a safe space where both people can grow.
In this interview, you'll learn:
How to Stop Performing for Love
How to Create Emotional Safety in a Relationship
How to Let Your Partner Be Vulnerable
How to Build Connection Through Acceptance
How to Communicate Without Getting Defensive
How to Balance “Me Time” and “We Time”
How to Love Without Trying to Fix
Love is not a performance, it’s a practice. It’s built in the quiet moments when we choose to listen instead of defend, to understand instead of control, and to show up even when it feels uncomfortable. Every relationship, whether romantic or otherwise, becomes stronger when we replace judgment with curiosity and fear with honesty.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
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Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
00:54 Earning Love Through Real Connection
03:16 Why You Should Speak Up Early
06:51 Creating a Safe Space for Vulnerability
11:20 Can You Love Someone Without Loving Yourself?
13:55 How Acceptance Strengthens Your Relationship
20:37 Compatibility vs. Chemistry: What Matters More?
25:07 Do Couples Need Individual Therapy Too?
28:05 A Live Couples Therapy Session
44:06 Communicate Clearly Not Through Assumptions
47:08 Healthy Ways to Approach Conflict
51:28 Understanding the Many Forms of Love
57:46 Are Both of Your Needs Being Met?
01:01:44 Learning to Embrace and Communicate Differences
Episode Resources:
Lori Gottlieb | YouTube
Lori Gottlieb | Instagram
Lori Gottlieb | Website
“Love this podcast!”
Jay, and everyone else who works on this podcast, thank you. Your energy and passion is contagious and helpful. Thank you so much!
By SHU12323
Love this podcast!
Jay, and everyone else who works on this podcast, thank you. Your energy and passion is contagious and helpful. Thank you so much!
By SHU12323
“Amazing and life changing podcast”
I was not a fan of podcasts, however after listening to a few of Jay Shettys podcasts I’ve quickly become a fan of podcasts in general but primarily this one. It genuinely gives sincere positive life changing habits that I personally have incorporated into… life and often share with my own friends… and family. Like many of us, I sometimes struggle with anxiety, and the many tips and mindful habits on this podcast truly help.
By ChrisAlan83
Amazing and life changing podcast
I was not a fan of podcasts, however after listening to a few of Jay Shettys podcasts I’ve quickly become a fan of podcasts in general but primarily this one. It genuinely gives sincere positive life changing habits that I personally have incorporated into… life and often share with my own friends… and family. Like many of us, I sometimes struggle with anxiety, and the many tips and mindful habits on this podcast truly help.
By ChrisAlan83
“Jay has a special energy that draws people towards him, and a talent at taking people on a journey”
By ChrisAlan83
Jay has a special energy that draws people towards him, and a talent at taking people on a journey
By ChrisAlan83
“Great show”
I just listen to my first show, it was so relatable, easy to listen too and connect with. Continued listeners.
By Patty1186
Great show
I just listen to my first show, it was so relatable, easy to listen too and connect with. Continued listeners.
By Patty1186
“Always inspired”
Time and time again I listen to one of these episodes and I leave with a full heart and inspired soul. This show has continuously been a part of the light in my life to keep pursuing my dreams regardless of the obstacles. All the individuals jay brings on the show truly are reflections of resilience and each share a beautiful piece of humanity.
Thanks Jay for making such valuable dialogues accesible!!
By Farmerbri44
Always inspired
Time and time again I listen to one of these episodes and I leave with a full heart and inspired soul. This show has continuously been a part of the light in my life to keep pursuing my dreams regardless of the obstacles. All the individuals jay brings on the show truly are reflections of resilience and each share a beautiful piece of humanity.
Thanks Jay for making such valuable dialogues accesible!!
By Farmerbri44
“Grateful for this podcast!”
I absolutely love this podcast and I'm always looking forward to new episodes! | have learned so much from listening to Jay and all his amazing guest. Thank you for being apart of my wellness journey!
By Chef Chlo
Grateful for this podcast!
I absolutely love this podcast and I'm always looking forward to new episodes! | have learned so much from listening to Jay and all his amazing guest. Thank you for being apart of my wellness journey!
By Chef Chlo
“Doesn't get better than this!”
I have been listening few years! Always delivers! Deep raw real conversations that are raising the vibration of the world! Grateful to Jay and all his guests! Beautiful work!
By Shannon842
Doesn't get better than this!
I have been listening few years! Always delivers! Deep raw real conversations that are raising the vibration of the world! Grateful to Jay and all his guests! Beautiful work!
By Shannon842
“thank you”
i've am currently in one of the biggest battles of my life regarding my mental health. my therapist suggested this podcast and wow, i am forever grateful for Jay Shetty, his team and guest stars. you guys have helped me so much with all this wisdom and knowledge on what we humans struggle with daily both mentally and physically. you have a permanent subscriber right here. thank you!
By V-Lpz
thank you
i've am currently in one of the biggest battles of my life regarding my mental health. my therapist suggested this podcast and wow, i am forever grateful for Jay Shetty, his team and guest stars. you guys have helped me so much with all this wisdom and knowledge on what we humans struggle with daily both mentally and physically. you have a permanent subscriber right here. thank you!
By V-Lpz
“Fantastic”
Thank you for sharing your insight and knowledge as you fulfill your purpose in life in making wisdom go viral. I really enjoy your podcast.
By Kshaq87
Fantastic
Thank you for sharing your insight and knowledge as you fulfill your purpose in life in making wisdom go viral. I really enjoy your podcast.
By Kshaq87
“2020 Vision & Purpose”
He has some much good interesting information. I like how he uses facts and information behind what he talks about. I am glad I found him in 2020 because he was just what I was looking for. I would love to meet him and keep up the great work. I am looking forward to your book. Not sure what to expect but listening to everything you said so far has been great. I can’t wait to see what it has in store for us. Thank you for being a positive person and shedding light on things. I’m glad your not a lawyer or doctor! I’m glad you found your passion and helping others. I am looking for that as well. I feel stuck and hope your content gets me passed that!
By Scottie4488
2020 Vision & Purpose
He has some much good interesting information. I like how he uses facts and information behind what he talks about. I am glad I found him in 2020 because he was just what I was looking for. I would love to meet him and keep up the great work. I am looking forward to your book. Not sure what to expect but listening to everything you said so far has been great. I can’t wait to see what it has in store for us. Thank you for being a positive person and shedding light on things. I’m glad your not a lawyer or doctor! I’m glad you found your passion and helping others. I am looking for that as well. I feel stuck and hope your content gets me passed that!
By Scottie4488
“Amazing and life changing podcast”
I was not a fan of podcasts, however after listening to a few of Jay Shettys podcasts I’ve quickly become a fan of podcasts in general but primarily this one. It genuinely gives sincere positive life changing habits that I personally have incorporated into my life and often share with my own friends and family. Like many of us, I sometimes struggle with anxiety, and the many tips and mindful habits on this podcast truly help.
By ChrisAlan83
Amazing and life changing podcast
I was not a fan of podcasts, however after listening to a few of Jay Shettys podcasts I’ve quickly become a fan of podcasts in general but primarily this one. It genuinely gives sincere positive life changing habits that I personally have incorporated into my life and often share with my own friends and family. Like many of us, I sometimes struggle with anxiety, and the many tips and mindful habits on this podcast truly help.
By ChrisAlan83
“Every episode is an opportunity!”
Life is beautiful when you find the right words and the right person who motivates you to keep growing, learning , going deep in our feelings and become a better version of ourselves ...Thank you Jay for been part of my journey and teaching me how to embrace the chaos with a better understanding. I was addicted to chocolate, now is chocolate and “On purpose”
By Gloraya
Every episode is an opportunity!
Life is beautiful when you find the right words and the right person who motivates you to keep growing, learning , going deep in our feelings and become a better version of ourselves ...Thank you Jay for been part of my journey and teaching me how to embrace the chaos with a better understanding. I was addicted to chocolate, now is chocolate and “On purpose”
By Gloraya
“Life changing”
This podcast is by far the best I’ve ever listened to. Jay goes deep into what it means to live a healthy life in all aspects and causes you to truly reflect on your own life and where you’re at. Thank you for the life changing content, Jay!
By wesbacher
Life changing
This podcast is by far the best I’ve ever listened to. Jay goes deep into what it means to live a healthy life in all aspects and causes you to truly reflect on your own life and where you’re at. Thank you for the life changing content, Jay!
By wesbacher
“Great Perspective”
“The world we see is what we give it, nothing more than that. As a man thinketh so does he perceive. Therefore, seek not to change the world, but choose to change your mind about the world.” So far I would say the above quote from “A Course in Miracles,” sums up Jay’s podcast the best. If you want to live a purposeful life in service of others, as I do, you need to change your mind - your perception; not work to change others or the world. Work authenticity in what you are. Jay does this extremely well. Fantastic messages for a purposeful life. I will certainly listen to every episode.
By Steelborne
Great Perspective
“The world we see is what we give it, nothing more than that. As a man thinketh so does he perceive. Therefore, seek not to change the world, but choose to change your mind about the world.” So far I would say the above quote from “A Course in Miracles,” sums up Jay’s podcast the best. If you want to live a purposeful life in service of others, as I do, you need to change your mind - your perception; not work to change others or the world. Work authenticity in what you are. Jay does this extremely well. Fantastic messages for a purposeful life. I will certainly listen to every episode.
By Steelborne
“Inspiring”
Great pearls of wisdom in each episode. Always motivates me to make changes in my life. Finally consuming content that increases your emotional intelligence and asks you to be better for your community. Keep a pen and notebook handy while listening. Lots of helpful and actionable steps for you life.
By Shocked and Offended
Inspiring
Great pearls of wisdom in each episode. Always motivates me to make changes in my life. Finally consuming content that increases your emotional intelligence and asks you to be better for your community. Keep a pen and notebook handy while listening. Lots of helpful and actionable steps for you life.
By Shocked and Offended
“Life changing”
Thank you so much for your enlightenment. It is so easy to listen and realize what direction I wanted to go but didn’t know the steps to take. The podcast on how to not fall in love fast hit me like a brick. Words and their definitions such as what love means to me, values, priorities and preferences, etc. All of it is pure gold!!! Thank you Jay!
By BeChDu
Life changing
Thank you so much for your enlightenment. It is so easy to listen and realize what direction I wanted to go but didn’t know the steps to take. The podcast on how to not fall in love fast hit me like a brick. Words and their definitions such as what love means to me, values, priorities and preferences, etc. All of it is pure gold!!! Thank you Jay!
By BeChDu
“The most Transformational podcast”
This podcast will become a mirror to your life, you will begin to have moments after listening that are constantly reflecting situations in your everyday and it gives you the tools and inspiration to make great choices! Jay is truly one of a kind. His messages and content services all walks of life.
By LD504
The most Transformational podcast
This podcast will become a mirror to your life, you will begin to have moments after listening that are constantly reflecting situations in your everyday and it gives you the tools and inspiration to make great choices! Jay is truly one of a kind. His messages and content services all walks of life.
By LD504
“Podcast is great!”
This is an amazing podcast! It really has helped me to set my intentions for my day and to make decisions in alignment with my purpose! I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of your choices and the fact that it forces me to think deeply about my life and my choices! Thank you so much for all you do!
By Bradley0414
Podcast is great!
This is an amazing podcast! It really has helped me to set my intentions for my day and to make decisions in alignment with my purpose! I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of your choices and the fact that it forces me to think deeply about my life and my choices! Thank you so much for all you do!
By Bradley0414
“Podcast is life changing”
Jay Shetty podcast is what has literally changed my life. Just buy listening everyday I have seen have much I have grown and healed myself as a person. I can’t thank him enough for all his love, compassion, and knowledge. It’s what’s truly helped me be the person I am today and constantly wanting to grow into the best version of myself.
By Dejalovesyou670
Podcast is life changing
Jay Shetty podcast is what has literally changed my life. Just buy listening everyday I have seen have much I have grown and healed myself as a person. I can’t thank him enough for all his love, compassion, and knowledge. It’s what’s truly helped me be the person I am today and constantly wanting to grow into the best version of myself.
By Dejalovesyou670
“Meaningful content!!”
Thank you, Jay, for your podcast! I love the content and find myself regularly sharing the insights with people in my life. Many times I will listen 2 to 3 times per episode. Once while doing tasks, again to take notes, and a third time to really let it sink in. Listen, meditate, contemplate. Thanks again to you and your team.
By Marmeduke puke
Meaningful content!!
Thank you, Jay, for your podcast! I love the content and find myself regularly sharing the insights with people in my life. Many times I will listen 2 to 3 times per episode. Once while doing tasks, again to take notes, and a third time to really let it sink in. Listen, meditate, contemplate. Thanks again to you and your team.
By Marmeduke puke
“Gratitude for sharing knowledge”
We human beings come across those souls so fortunately, yet so rarely, that generate a spark within us to see what the naked eye cannot. You have changed the rarity of such meaningful friendships by instigating that self-love, self-awareness, and self-care in every person who’ve had the chance to hear and see you. Knowledge is power, but when shared with others it becomes powerful. Thank you for sharing with the world your lessons and your insights. I’ve embarked on this journey of self discovery and your voice has been a powerful guide. I’m hoping to have a chance to connect with you personally some day, but until then I look forward to hearing from you every week to inspire me to make an impact in my own life for a better present.
By BrotherRidhu
Gratitude for sharing knowledge
We human beings come across those souls so fortunately, yet so rarely, that generate a spark within us to see what the naked eye cannot. You have changed the rarity of such meaningful friendships by instigating that self-love, self-awareness, and self-care in every person who’ve had the chance to hear and see you. Knowledge is power, but when shared with others it becomes powerful. Thank you for sharing with the world your lessons and your insights. I’ve embarked on this journey of self discovery and your voice has been a powerful guide. I’m hoping to have a chance to connect with you personally some day, but until then I look forward to hearing from you every week to inspire me to make an impact in my own life for a better present.
By BrotherRidhu
“Mentor I hope to meet someday”
This is one of my favorite podcasts I listen to every week. I look forward to it and know I’ll always go away learning something new, a new perspective on a subject I never considered. As I learned from Jay that you can be mentored by someone you haven’t met and he is def someone I consider a mentor (hopefully I’ll meet someday). This is a must listen, consider it a self care item.
By Hidef53
Mentor I hope to meet someday
This is one of my favorite podcasts I listen to every week. I look forward to it and know I’ll always go away learning something new, a new perspective on a subject I never considered. As I learned from Jay that you can be mentored by someone you haven’t met and he is def someone I consider a mentor (hopefully I’ll meet someday). This is a must listen, consider it a self care item.
By Hidef53
“Love this podcast!!”
Jay, and everyone else who works on this podcast, thank you. Your energy and passion is contagious and helpful. Thank you so much!
By Shui2323
Love this podcast!!
Jay, and everyone else who works on this podcast, thank you. Your energy and passion is contagious and helpful. Thank you so much!
By Shui2323
“Thank you!!!”
Thank you so much Jay for creating this podcast and providing weekly content! I listen whenever I have some down time during the day and it’s such a nice way to reflect and stay motivated and grounded throughout the day.
By madhatter96
Thank you!!!
Thank you so much Jay for creating this podcast and providing weekly content! I listen whenever I have some down time during the day and it’s such a nice way to reflect and stay motivated and grounded throughout the day.
By madhatter96
“Wow!”
Jay has an amazing gift and an even more amazing heart! I love what he is doing in the world and has made me a better person through his insights and kindness! Thank you Mr. Shetty
By RollTideDLCC
Wow!
Jay has an amazing gift and an even more amazing heart! I love what he is doing in the world and has made me a better person through his insights and kindness! Thank you Mr. Shetty
By RollTideDLCC
“Fantastic”
Thank you for sharing your insight and knowledge as you fulfill your purpose in life in making wisdom go viral. I really enjoy your podcast.
By Kshaq87
Fantastic
Thank you for sharing your insight and knowledge as you fulfill your purpose in life in making wisdom go viral. I really enjoy your podcast.
By Kshaq87
“Jay is life-changing!”
Listening to Jay Shetty during my commute early in the mornings has changed my life! He’s wise yet so simple in delivering his message. I’m a fan and I’m so thankful for his insights in life, love and everything in between!
By Naty0210
Jay is life-changing!
Listening to Jay Shetty during my commute early in the mornings has changed my life! He’s wise yet so simple in delivering his message. I’m a fan and I’m so thankful for his insights in life, love and everything in between!
By Naty0210
“Thank you Jay Shetty for your spiritual wisdom and insight. ”
Thank you Jay Shetty for your spiritual wisdom and insight. I am on a spiritual journey currently and I’ve been searching for answers and teachings that are deeply connected spiritually. There’s a higher calling on my life. I thank you again for all of your teachings.
By PearlJelly9
Thank you Jay Shetty for your spiritual wisdom and insight.
Thank you Jay Shetty for your spiritual wisdom and insight. I am on a spiritual journey currently and I’ve been searching for answers and teachings that are deeply connected spiritually. There’s a higher calling on my life. I thank you again for all of your teachings.
By PearlJelly9