Jay Shetty & Emily Oster ON Debunking Biggest Parenting Myths

In an era of information overload, is the abundance of parenting data actually making us better parents, or is it simply fueling our collective anxiety?

In this On Purpose episode, Jay Shetty’s guest is Emily Oster, an economist, a professor at Brown University, and a best-selling author, famous for answering parenting and health questions using data. In this interview, she discussed insights on the journey from pregnancy to early childhood, highlighting the essential differences between facts and distractions. According to her, facts backed by research are what matter, and it’s crucial to distinguish them amid the noise propagated, especially on social media channels.

The Data Flood

Emily Oster believes that greater access to data today can have both beneficial and detrimental effects on parents. She explained to Jay Shetty that while it has improved survival rates and happiness in some areas, it has also created a high-pressure environment for parents, where they feel they’re not doing enough.

Oster’s work to help parents focuses on two core goals: identifying which data points are real vs. which are based on faulty logic, and prioritizing their limited energy. She explained to Jay Shetty that parents have a limited capacity to focus on so many variables, so they need to find their top priority based on their unique circumstances. This way, they can stop obsessing over tiny details that don’t move the needle and focus instead on the big-picture choices that impact their family’s well-being.

Correlation versus Causation

Emily Oster told Jay Shetty that people need to understand the difference between correlation and causation in parenting research; she pointed out that many studies’ results are based on correlations rather than causation. This misunderstanding leads to unnecessary guilt and pressure on parents who can’t meet every single recommended metric.

However, Oster noted that many of the mistakes parents obsess about are often insignificant in the grand scheme of a child’s life. For instance, she told Jay Shetty that a parent worrying about touching a lawn treated with pesticides during pregnancy; they can wash their hands, it has little impact on the baby, yet the anxiety remains.¹ Oster explained that parents need to understand that many effects are either nonexistent or so small they don’t matter. This way, they can regain their peace of mind.

Getting Pregnant Is a Lottery

Emily Oster noted that many people have the need for control when trying to get pregnant. She told Jay Shetty that our control over conception is very limited; unfortunately, misleading marketing of expensive prenatal vitamins can fuel future parents’ anxiety even deeper. She explained that standard, affordable vitamins from a drugstore contain the same nutrients as those costing $150.²

Another type of stress stems from the idea of waiting until the perfect time to have children. Oster stressed that this unrealistic expectation often adds to the tension when pregnancy doesn’t happen immediately. She explained to Jay Shetty that there are only a few things truly in our control when it comes to getting pregnant: tracking the ovulation cycle, having sex at the right time, and ensuring the health of the sperm.

Emily Oster pointed out to Jay Shetty that our society often underinvests in male fertility, even though it is 50% of the equation. Therefore, she advises men to avoid heavy drinking, smoking, and excessive heat because they significantly impact sperm mobility and count. However, getting pregnant is like a dice roll, and obsessing over it can become frustrating rather than helpful.

Debunking Pregnancy Myths

Emily Oster debunked for Jay Shetty a few of the most common myths around pregnancy and forbidden substances:

1. Drinking alcohol: Data outside of the U.S. shows that occasional drinking, especially in later trimesters, doesn’t have negative effects on the child.³
2. Caffeine: One or two cups of coffee a day show no evidence of downsides; however, the risks start to show from four cups onward.⁴
3. Eating sushi: The risk of foodborne illness from raw fish is the same for everyone, and it doesn’t increase in pregnancy.⁵
4. Botox injections: While there is no experimental data on pregnant women, the procedure is possible during breastfeeding, because the toxin doesn’t pass into the breast milk.⁶
5. Retinol: Oster warned that vitamin A (contained in retinol) is linked to extreme fetal defects; however, the absorption through skin is significantly less than when ingested.⁷

Oster explained to Jay Shetty that many popular beliefs are based on anecdotal evidence rather than hard data.

The Baby Is a Group Project

According to Emily Oster, a baby is a group project for a couple. She explained to Jay Shetty that both parents are new to it and they both care about it more than anything else. So, they are both operating under extreme sleep deprivation and financial stress, making the environment unpropitious for collaboration. Oster recommends treating the partnership like a business and scheduling bi-weekly check-in meetings, even before the baby is born, because love alone isn’t always enough when it comes to raising a child.

The transition into parenthood isn’t easy for any of the involved parties. While men can never fully empathize with the physical discomfort of pregnancy, they can learn how to do everything around the child at the same time as the mother (e.g., diaper change, feeding, etc.). Oster told Jay Shetty that it’s also vital to prepare for potential challenges such as postpartum depression, because awareness and preparing the home environment are key to surviving the early months.

Breastfeeding versus Formula

Emily Oster clarified to Jay Shetty that both breastfeeding and formula are excellent options for new parents. While breastfeeding offers some short-term benefits, such as lower risk of gastrointestinal illness and eczema, not everything else is backed by data.⁸ Oster explained that claims about breast milk making children smarter are almost entirely based on correlation, not causation; the women who breastfeed are often more educated and have higher incomes. When researchers compared siblings where one was breastfed and the other wasn’t, there were almost no differences in IQ and health.⁹

Emily Oster explained that these findings are crucial; mothers feel immense pressure and mom guilt surrounding breastfeeding. She told Jay Shetty that the popularized message that “breast is best” has been weaponized in a way that isn’t helpful or true. Oster believes that, if it makes the mother miserable, the negative impact on the family’s functioning outweighs any marginal benefits of the milk. She also explained that, while breast milk doesn’t cost money, it does have a time cost, and both are valid sacrifices worth acknowledging.

The Science of Sleep Training

When it comes to sleeping, there are many opinions out there. Oster explained to Jay Shetty that different approaches work for different people; whether you choose to sleep train your baby or not, the method is a safe and effective tool, she said. To her, sleep training is the strategy of encouraging a child to complete multiple sleep cycles so they can wake up independently rather than every 90 minutes, as they are wired to do.

Emily Oster told Jay Shetty that, despite the popular belief, sleep training doesn’t cause long-term attachment issues.¹⁰ The correlation between teaching a child to fall back asleep independently and attachment theory happened after researchers studied abandoned or orphan children in Romanian orphanages. The situation there was extreme and caused outrage because of how damaged the children who grew up without any affection were.¹¹

According to Oster, if your child is usually surrounded by love and has a stable home, leaving them to cry for a few nights won’t do to them what systemic abandonment did to the children in the studied orphanage. However, if you choose this method, it’s crucial to be consistent; otherwise, it’s bound to fail. Oster told Jay Shetty that parents should decide which method works best for their family, whether they choose to sleep train or co-sleep.

Access to Screens and Social Media

Emily Oster warns about the dangers of assuming correlation equals causation, especially for parents. She told Jay Shetty that studies on early screen time showing negative results don’t account for household differences and the differences in resources and stability in those homes.¹²

Instead of demonizing screen time altogether, she suggests parents see it as a replacement: if you offer your child 30 minutes of screen time to cook a healthy dinner to enjoy together as a family later, then that screen time has a positive net value. However, if it replaces sleep or outdoor play, then it becomes problematic.

A similar rule applies to social media: you must teach your children how to use it safely, set rules, and be willing to intervene if you believe they’re not ready for it yet. Oster compared having access to social media to driving a car: you wouldn’t give your keys to a child with no driving skills, but you would first teach them how to operate the car.

Vaccines Are Crucial, Not Over-Medication

Measles has seen a resurgence in the U.S., which Oster attributes to parents deciding against vaccinating their children.¹³ She explained to Jay Shetty that the vaccines, especially the primary school series, are safe and have been effective for decades.¹⁴ Unfortunately, she believes that it’s a matter of trust among the citizens that leads to children dying from preventable diseases.

On the other hand, there is also the issue of over-medication, especially when it comes to ADHD.¹⁵ Oster told Jay Shetty that, while vaccines are vital, we shouldn’t drug active children solely for the purpose of making them sit still in school, a standard that is fairly new in the history of education. Therefore, she is a strong believer that we must be able to differentiate between life-saving vaccines and behavioral over-medication, which can be detrimental for a child’s development.

Planning, Consistency, and Confidence

At the end of the interview, Emily Oster shared with Jay Shetty three most important messages for parents:

1. While there are many parenting rules out there, the best one is the one that works for your specific family’s needs and constraints.
2. Learn to distinguish between false evidence based on correlation and actual, factual data.
3. Plan ahead; instead of reacting to situations and getting overwhelmed in the moment, think about your overall approach in advance.

To plan better and be ready as your baby comes or goes through different stages, she recommends viewing them as a family-group project. Whatever method you choose to implement, you must remain consistent in your approach. Oster told Jay Shetty that her work is about empowering parents to make deliberate, thoughtful choices so they can enjoy the journey of raising children without being devoured by unnecessary guilt.

More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode “Parenting Expert Emily Oster: The #1 Parenting Mistake That Causes Unnecessary Stress (Use THIS Data-Backed Framework to Debunk the Biggest Parenting Myths!)” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.

Disclaimer: The practices described are based on personal experiences and preliminary research. They are not medical advice, nor are results guaranteed. Individual outcomes vary, and some claims are still being studied. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional before beginning any new health, wellness, or therapeutic practice.

¹Albadrani MS, Aljassim MT, El-Tokhy AI. Pesticide exposure and spontaneous abortion risk: A comprehensive systematic review and meta-analysis. Ecotoxicol Environ Saf. 2024 Oct 1;284:117000. doi: 10.1016/j.ecoenv.2024.117000. Epub 2024 Sep 11. PMID: 39265264.

²National Institutes of Health, Office of Dietary Supplements, Dietary Supplements: What You Need to Know - Consumer, updated January 4, 2023, https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/WYNTK-Consumer/.

³Kelly Y, Iacovou M, Quigley M, Gray R, Wolke D, Kelly J, Sacker A. Light drinking versus abstinence in pregnancy – behavioural and cognitive outcomes in 7-year-old children: a longitudinal cohort study. BJOG2013;120:1340–1347.

⁴World Health Organization, “Restricting Caffeine Intake during Pregnancy,” updated August 9 2023, https://www.who.int/tools/elena/interventions/caffeine-pregnancy.

⁵Tam C, Erebara A, Einarson A. Food-borne illnesses during pregnancy: prevention and treatment. Can Fam Physician. 2010 Apr;56(4):341-3. PMID: 20393091; PMCID: PMC2860824.

⁶National Library of Medicine (US), National Center for Biotechnology Information, OnabotulinumtoxinA (Botox®), MotherToBaby Fact Sheet, December 19, 2023, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK582605/.

⁷Bozzo P, Chua-Gocheco A, Einarson A. Safety of skin care products during pregnancy. Can Fam Physician. 2011 Jun;57(6):665-7. PMID: 21673209; PMCID: PMC3114665.

⁸Kramer MS, Kakuma R. Optimal duration of exclusive breastfeeding. Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2012 Aug 15;2012(8):CD003517. doi: 10.1002/14651858.CD003517.pub2. PMID: 22895934; PMCID: PMC7154583.

⁹Reading, R. (2007), Effect of breast feeding on intelligence in children: prospective study, sibling pairs analysis, and meta-analysis. Child: Care, Health and Development, 33: 110-111. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2214.2006.00723_5.x

¹⁰Price AM, Wake M, Ukoumunne OC, Hiscock H. Five-year follow-up of harms and benefits of behavioral infant sleep intervention: randomized trial. Pediatrics. 2012 Oct;130(4):643-51. doi: 10.1542/peds.2011-3467. Epub 2012 Sep 10. PMID: 22966034.

¹¹Weir, K. “The Lasting Impact of Neglect.” Monitor on Psychology 45, no. 6 (June 1, 2014): https://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/06/neglect.

¹²Veldman SLC, Altenburg TM, Chinapaw MJM, Gubbels JS. Correlates of screen time in the early years (0-5 years): A systematic review. Prev Med Rep. 2023 Apr 19;33:102214. doi: 10.1016/j.pmedr.2023.102214. PMID: 37223568; PMCID: PMC10201873.

¹³Nimblett-Clarke A. The role of vaccine exemptions in the resurgence of measles. JAAPA. 2021 Feb 1;34(2):36-40. doi: 10.1097/01.JAA.0000731512.09853.af. PMID: 33470720.

¹⁴National Health Service (NHS), “Why Vaccination Is Important and the Safest Way to Protect Yourself,” last reviewed March 28, 2023, https://www.nhs.uk/vaccinations/why-vaccination-is-important-and-the-safest-way-to-protect-yourself/.

¹⁵Moreira-Maia CR, Massuti R, Tessari L, Campani F, Akutagava-Martins GC, Cortese S, Rohde LA. Are ADHD medications under or over prescribed worldwide?: Protocol for a systematic review and meta-analysis. Medicine (Baltimore). 2018 Jun;97(24):e10923. doi: 10.1097/MD.0000000000010923. Erratum in: Medicine (Baltimore). 2018 Jul;97(27):e11472. doi: 10.1097/MD.0000000000011472. PMID: 29901582; PMCID: PMC6023876.

‍