In this On Purpose episode, Jay Shetty invited his wife, Radhi Devlukia-Shetty, to candidly discuss their love for each other and what they appreciate most about one another.
The conversation takes place at the Grove Hotel, which holds special meaning for them as it was a spot they frequented when they first started dating.
They happily answer a few questions posed by Jay's team and more. The topics range from reactions to fighting, learning together, and accommodating the other person's schedule and needs.
First, the couple reflects on what they loved most about each other when they first met and what has changed ever since.
Radhi praises Jay for his consistency and integrity, having remained the same person since the beginning of their relationship. She also admires his ability to be himself and to permit others to do the same.
In turn, Jay loves Radhi's sense of humor and her positivity. He also appreciates the personal growth journey that she has undertaken over the years.
Facing The World Together
Jay Shetty and Radhi have moved countries, states, and homes in the past seven years. Yet despite all the changes, Jay admits he has stayed consistent in his approach to life, with Radhi's full support. They have been through some of the most stressful life changes that can strain relationships. However, they have consistently found their way back to each other and avoided blaming each other when things got tough.
Radhi notes that while she used to be scared of change, she has learned to embrace it and live day-to-day without building expectations of the future. Living in the flow had given her a sense of freedom that she didn't feel when she tried to control everything.
Consistency, tolerance, and open communication in a relationship are crucial, especially when going through significant life changes. It helps to embrace transformation and live in the present rather than trying to control everything.
In his book, The 8 Rules of Love, Jay Shetty discusses the different roles people play in relationships and includes a relationship roles quiz.
Radhi admitted she often feels uncertain about what she is doing with her life and who she is. In these situations, Jay is like a parent, guiding her through her struggles without telling her what to do. However, he can also sometimes act childish, seeking attention and being moody.
Regarding health, Radhi has encouraged Jay Shetty to exercise and work out. Before meeting her, he focused solely on mental exercises but neglected his physical health. Radhi has also helped him find his voice rather than just telling him what to do.
"I think a lot of the time in relationships, you make someone feel broken because you keep fixing them. And if you keep fixing them, then that means they remain broken," Jay Shetty explained.
Instead, he prefers to guide his wife through her struggles so that she can find her solutions. However, it takes a lot of patience to help someone find their way.
Sometimes, our partners can annoy us. Therefore, communication and understanding each other's perspectives when dealing with annoying behavior in a relationship are essential.
Radhi never felt annoyed by Jay Shetty as a person, but some things have irritated her about his behavior. She explained that she had a short fuse and sometimes got defensive or had a bit of an ego when arguing with Jay. However, the most annoying thing to her was that he always tried to resolve the argument within the first three seconds. Sometimes, Radhi just wanted to fight and argue their differences before finding a solution.
Jay Shetty acknowledged Radhi's frustrations and that he used to be the type of person who would go silent during arguments. But, over time, he has learned to communicate better.
To Jay and Radhi, it is vital not to portray a perfect image of themselves on social media. Jay shares the fights and challenges they face in their relationship because he wants to be transparent that no one is perfect and everyone is a work in progress. He doesn't want people to think they have everything figured out or never fight.
People often assume their relationship is flawless, but Radhi doesn't like portraying perfection. She admits that she also struggles with the pressure of being seen as a positive person all the time.
Jay Shetty shares relationship examples in his book to help people understand that he and Radhi are not perfect. They have their ways of dealing with arguments. For instance, Radhi wants to hide and process the dispute internally. In contrast, Jay wants to vent and solve the problem immediately.
Moreover, Jay Shetty doesn't let other people's perceptions of him affect him because he knows what he's grounded in and his purpose. The main thing is to be true to yourself and not be perfect to please others. Portraying perfection is unhealthy because no one is perfect, and everyone has struggles.
Jay's Book About Love
"I don't think there's a perfect person. I don't think there's a perfect partner. I think there's just navigating our imperfections and figuring them out," Jay Shetty shared.
He explains that he wrote a book about love not because he is an expert or has a perfect relationship, but because he is fascinated by the topic and wants to share insights and frameworks he has developed to manage relationships.
Radhi agrees that the tools and frameworks Jay has shared with her have been beneficial not just for their relationship, but for every relationship in her life. She describes Jay as the perfect person to write the book because he has spent so much time and energy building deep, genuine, and authentic relationships with people.
Building relationships is challenging today due to the barriers and filters created by social media and the need to adapt to different people. However, Radhi admires Jay's ability to remain the same person through every relationship he has had, treating people similarly and reacting to things in the same way.
Putting time and energy into building relationships is crucial, as each relationship is unique and requires individual attention. Having meaningful connections with people is essential for human fulfillment. Radhi believes it would be sad to go through life without experiencing the depth and meaning of a relationship.
Your Partner Is Your Guru
One chapter in Jay Shetty's book The Eight Rules Of Love is called Your Partner Is Your Guru. It explains how relationships are more about education and enlightenment than entertainment.
Jay Shetty believes the relationships that last are ones in which you grow and find purpose. It is easy to be critical of your partner and see their flaws, but it is essential to see their potential and believe in them. Jay draws from Eastern traditions, where gurus are figures who constantly make you feel like they have potential and value to offer. He breaks down the qualities of a student and a guru and finds that all of the qualities of a guru can generally be found in your partner.
Jay Shetty believes your partner should make you feel like you can grow and become something, but not ridiculously or stupidly. He emphasizes that this should be done in a healthy way.
When he began to prosper financially, Jay wanted Radhi to love him more for his success, but she did not budge. Finally, he realized she loved him for who he was, not what he had achieved. To him, this has been the greatest guru thing that Radhi has done for him.
Seeing your partner as a guru allows them to call you out and provide honest feedback, even when it hurts your ego. Jay Shetty explains that if your partner only praises you without constructive criticism, they do not honestly care about you. The most incredible fun in a relationship is when the partners are learning and growing together.
Evolution Of The Relationship
Jay and Radhi discuss how their relationship has changed their priorities and values. Radhi used to place a high value on the time someone was willing to spend with her, assuming that more time equaled more love and care. However, she now realizes it's the quality of time that matters.
Jay Shetty's view of romance has evolved. He used to have a narrow definition of romance, centered around typical date activities like dinner and a movie. However, he now sees romance as more about shared experiences that challenge and excite both partners.
"Life's about solving a problem. Life isn't just talking to each other," he notes. Instead of just sitting at a dinner table with nothing to do, he suggests doing something like an escape room or taking a class together to spark conversation and curiosity.
The couple agrees that trying new things together keeps their relationship fresh and exciting. Jay emphasizes the value of watching each other struggle and grow, as it allows for deeper understanding and connection. They acknowledge that their values and priorities have shifted over time. Still, they embrace these changes as opportunities to deepen their relationship and understanding of each other.
Values Change Over Time
The couple reflected on what they were looking for in a partner when they started dating ten years ago. Back then, Radhi was in a transitional phase of her life and wanted someone with whom she could grow spiritually. Laughing was also crucial to her. She had no specific financial goals or other criteria at the time.
On the other hand, Jay Shetty did not have a list of criteria for a partner. He believes that lists can sometimes minimize the potential of a relationship by focusing too much on specific criteria. According to him, relationships are more about discovering a person rather than trying to fit them into one particular mold.
People change over time, and knowing what a person will be like in ten years is impossible. Jay Shetty believes relationships are about being curious and open and learning about a person as they change and evolve. He emphasized the importance of exploring and discovering a human being rather than sticking to a specific list of criteria.
While it's essential to have some criteria, such as being spiritually grounded or having a sense of humor, the couple believes it is more important to be curious and open to discovering who the person is and how they make you feel. They cautioned against having too strict a list of criteria, as it can cause people to miss out on potentially great relationships.
Reconnecting Despite Busy Schedules
Jay Shetty and his wife show up for each other, even though they are both busy and have many priorities. Jay shares that being busy came upon them quickly and unexpectedly, and they had to catch up. He admits that spending time apart was a weakness in their relationship. As a result, they had to learn how to deal with distance and separation.
Shetty reveals that he needed better tools for dealing with distance and learned the hard way that checking in every day is essential. He emphasizes the importance of having quality time together after spending time apart.
Jay uses the analogy of a plant or a tree, saying that you can't expect it to grow if you don't care for it. Likewise, he believes rebuilding a relationship takes effort and focus after spending time apart. It can't be done simply by coming together and expecting things to return to normal.
Going deeper in less time is essential to rebuild the relationship when both partners are busy. Every thirty days, they disappear for three days, lock their phones away, bike, walk, and spend time together. He believes having this quality time together is necessary when both partners are busy and need more energy or time to check in daily.
Jay Shetty and his wife Radhi are both very independent, safe, and secure, and trust each other. These are the main qualities that keep them together despite the hardships they may encounter.
More From Jay Shetty
Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode on “Jay & His Wife Radhi ON: How To Stop Parenting Your Partner & The “Perfect” Relationship Myth” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.
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