In this On Purpose episode, Jay Shetty welcomed La La Anthony as his guest.
Anthony is a multi-talented individual with a background in acting, producing, writing, and entrepreneurship. She's known for her roles in "Power" and "The Chi" shows. She has received recognition for her work, including an NAACP Image Award nomination.
"Healing Is Messy"
Introspection is paramount when dealing with challenging life experiences. Acknowledging your progress is vital in the healing process. Anthony believes in the messy nature of healing, recognizing that it is not a linear or predictable path. She explains to Jay Shetty that healing often ebbs and flows, and there is no set timeframe for its completion. This realization has allowed her to extend kindness and understanding to herself during moments of vulnerability.
Anthony opens up to Jay Shetty about her internal healing journey. Currently, she is working to address feelings of abandonment and self-worth issues, acknowledging her tendency to question "why me" when facing adversity. However, Anthony believes tough battles belong to those who can handle them.
Appearances Can Be Misleading
Jay Shetty and La La Anthony discuss the perception of people who seem to have it all on the surface. Anthony acknowledges that it can be disheartening to realize that those individuals also face their struggles. She highlights the dangers of comparing oneself to others, particularly in the age of social media, where appearances can be deceiving.
Anthony emphasizes the importance of finding happiness within oneself and not constantly seeking validation or comparison with others. She encourages self-contentment and self-confidence. It is, therefore, crucial to get to know people on a deeper level and recognize that, beneath the surface, everyone faces their own unique set of issues. Regardless of one's financial status or fame, the fundamental human experiences and struggles remain consistent.
Anthony acknowledges the blessings of success and fame. Still, she notes that they come with problems, such as increased public scrutiny. She shares with Jay Shetty that when people like her go through difficult times, their struggles become public discussions, which can be challenging.
Anthony told Jay Shetty that real friendships tighten through life's ups and downs. It is vital to be authentic with friends and not shy away from sharing the positive and negative aspects of one's life.
Anthony's experiences during her divorce and other life challenges have deepened her friendships rather than eroded them. True friends stand by you during tough times. While fun and joyful moments are essential in friendships, navigating through life's ups and downs together is equally important for a healthy friendship.
When facing challenges, Anthony advises the listeners against solely blaming themselves. She encourages them to take responsibility for their actions and learn from their experiences. She emphasizes that personal growth and improvement stem from these lessons and should be applied to future relationships and situations.
Anthony's divorce prompted her to work on better balancing her career and personal life. She had been intensely focused on her career, often neglecting her relationships. This imbalance led to feelings of neglect among friends and partners. She realized the significance of achieving equilibrium and not feeling guilty about taking time for herself or enjoying her life outside of work.
Giving Yourself Permission
Jay Shetty mentions studies showing that many people don't take all their leave from work due to various fears and anxieties about falling behind or losing opportunities.1 Anthony opens up about her struggle to find balance and attributes it to fear. She confesses that her fear was driven by concerns about job security and the competitive nature of her industry.
Anthony also takes pride in being the hardest worker, believing no one could outwork her. However, she learned that this mindset led to burnout and left her with nothing to give to others. She realized the importance of self-care and balancing work and personal life.
Moreover, Anthony reflects on her past conditioning in a highly competitive environment, where constant pressure to excel and stay ahead was ingrained. Over time, she has recognized the need to prioritize her well-being and happiness over relentless work. Yet recently, she allowed herself to take vacations and enjoy personal time without guilt or fear of judgment. She's becoming more comfortable finding that balance and understanding that she deserves moments of relaxation and enjoyment.
Satisfaction of Parenting
Jay Shetty and La La Anthony discuss the significance of finding worth and happiness in different aspects of life. Anthony's son is a source of immense happiness for her.he enjoys seeing her positive influence on him. She describes her son's humility, kindness, and commitment to giving back to the community, making her proud as a parent.
Anthony reflects on how motherhood taught her patience and unconditional love. Her son is not just her child but also her best friend. She firmly believes she can be both a parent and a best friend to her son. She still disciplines him when necessary but values their close bond, where they can openly communicate and understand each other.
Jay Shetty wished for a more open and friendly relationship with his parents as a child, which he believes would have helped him avoid some mistakes. He commends Anthony for her ability to balance being a parent and friend to her 16-year-old son, recognizing the importance of open communication.
Strong Inner Drive
Anthony opened up to Jay Shetty about her continuous commitment to working hard and maintaining her ambitious mindset, driven by her memory of what it felt like not to have achieved success. Her motivation to avoid returning to that place fuels her drive to push forward. Anthony also enjoys working and finds happiness and joy.
Anthony highlights her involvement in the acting and producing space to Jay Shetty. She finds immense satisfaction in creating projects because it allows her to bring her creative ideas to life and be in control of the content she's passionate about. As a producer, she relishes the opportunity to create jobs and open doors for others in the industry, sharing her success and experiences with them.
Regarding acting, Anthony expresses her contentment with having steady work and her love for the people she collaborates with. She appreciates the stability that acting provides and the satisfaction of being a part of a show she values.
Anthony reflects on how her perspective on rejection has evolved. She told Jay Shetty that rejection often has little to do with your talent or abilities and can be influenced by various external factors, such as height or how you appear next to a co-star. She has learned not to take rejection personally and to be gracious and kind when someone else gets the job, recognizing they are the right fit for that particular role.
Jay Shetty relates a personal experience of pitching a TV show about his work only to face rejection from various production companies. These rejections led to unexpected positive outcomes, including building long-term friendships, gaining valuable experience, and ultimately opening doors to other opportunities he might not have pursued otherwise.
It is, therefore, important not to let rejection or fear of failure hinder your progress. La La Anthony and Jay Shetty encourage the listeners to move forward, learn from disappointments, and embrace the unknown. It often leads to personal growth and unforeseen opportunities.
Un-Becoming a People-Pleaser
Anthony opens up to Jay Shetty about her history as a people-pleaser and her desire to be liked by everyone. In today's age of social media, with everyone having a platform to comment and critique, it's impossible to please everyone, and she's learning to accept that.
Anthony reflects on how she used to be affected by negative comments and criticism from people who didn't even know her. Still, she has since learned not to let them have power over her. She emphasizes celebrating the people who support and love you rather than dwelling on those who don't. In her charity work, 360, Anthony focuses on changing negative thought patterns and nurturing self-love.
Jay Shetty initially sought out negative comments and criticism. Meanwhile, he has trained himself to accept positive feedback with an open heart. He encourages allowing yourself to receive love and compliments as readily as we welcome criticism.
La La Anthony discusses with Jay Shetty her involvement in prison reform work, mainly focusing on her charity work with young men aged 18 to 21. She emphasizes the surprising impact of love, compassion, and changing your environment on individuals who have experienced the criminal justice system. Anthony believes that expressing love and telling someone you're proud of them can lead to remarkable transformations in individuals who may have never heard such affirmations.
Anthony addresses the misconception that individuals in prison might be closed off or resistant to conversations about love and compassion. She acknowledges that, at first, it can be challenging to break through the tough exterior of some individuals. Still, she approaches them with genuine, authentic conversations that convey empathy and understanding.
Anthony believes that, at the core, everyone desires love. When you speak from the heart and show natural care, even the most hardened individuals can be reached. She describes her approach as not judging individuals for their past actions but pushing them to do better.
Moreover, Anthony shared with Jay Shetty that people involved with the criminal justice system are not going away, and society has a choice: they can either be assets to the community or problems. She is passionate about providing support, love, and guidance to help these individuals become assets to their communities and lead successful lives.
Supporting the Community
Anthony's passion for prison reform work is fueled by the ability to use her platform and voice to make a difference. She can now take action and provide support, whereas, in the past, she felt powerless. As a mother of a 16-year-old son, Anthony is acutely aware of how easily young individuals can find themselves in difficult situations, often influenced by their surroundings and peer groups.
La La Anthony witnessed the detrimental impact of incarceration on families where loved ones were separated for extended periods. This experience further motivated her to advocate for change in the prison system actively. Her commitment to reform is rooted in the belief that family bonds can be maintained, even in challenging circumstances.
Anthony highlights to Jay Shetty the importance of support, rehabilitation, and creating opportunities for individuals to reintegrate into society. She shares a touching story of a young man named Rondo, who, with the proper support and opportunities, transformed his life after incarceration. Through her charity work, Anthony aims to provide the necessary tools and guidance for individuals to reintegrate successfully and lead productive lives.
Publicly Divorcing and Co-Parenting
La La Anthony shares her sense of humor and love for laughter and fun with Jay Shetty. While her public image may not always reflect this side of her, she enjoys being the life of the party and making others laugh. Her ability to find joy in life and her commitment to enjoying the present moment shine through as she shares this personal detail.
Anthony also reflects on her journey in the public eye, acknowledging the challenges of transitioning and facing personal changes within a spotlight. She shared with Jay Shetty the difficulties associated with divorce, highlighting that no one enters a marriage expecting it to end in divorce. She underscores the importance of adjusting to life's unexpected twists and finding strength in resilience.
Anthony candidly shares the complexity of co-parenting and her dedication to ensuring that her son, Cayenne, feels loved and supported despite the changes in their family dynamics. She believes children should not suffer due to parental separation and is committed to providing a positive co-parenting environment. Anthony hopes that Cayenne will learn from their experiences and build a strong understanding of family dynamics in the future.
La La Anthony discusses the importance of self-love and positive self-talk with Jay Shetty. She emphasizes the power of words in shaping our self-perception and how she's learned to speak kindly to herself, recognizing her accomplishments and resilience.
Regarding her future and the possibility of marriage, Anthony remains open to whatever comes her way. Her perspective on marriage has evolved due to her experiences. Still, she is excited about finding someone who makes her happy, allows her to be herself, and brings joy to her life. She appreciates connecting with someone on a deeper level, focusing on compatibility and happiness rather than traditional roles.
More From Jay Shetty
Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode on “La La Anthony ON Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage & Ways to Turn Rejection into Redirection” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.
1Dinesh, Shradha, and Kim Parker. “More than 4 in 10 U.S. Workers Don’t Take All Their Paid Time off .” Pew Research Center (blog), August 10, 2023. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/08/10/more-than-4-in-10-u-s-workers-dont-take-all-their-paid-time-off/#:~:text=More%20than%204%20in%2010,all%20their%20paid%20time%20off&text=Some%2046%25%20of%20U.S.%20workers,recent%20Pew%20Research%20Center%20survey.
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