Jay Shetty & Humble the Poet ON Transforming Your Relationship with Anxiety

What if anxiety isn't a flaw to fix, but a message to understand?

In this On Purpose episode, Jay Shetty sits down with Humble the Poet, author, speaker, former elementary school teacher, and globally acclaimed artist. They challenge how we see stress, fear, and discomfort. Humble the poet discusses his latest book, Unlearn Anxiety, sharing how rethinking your relationship with anxiety can unlock clarity, courage, and connection. Furthermore, he explains that rather than treating anxiety like a condition to cure, we should focus on listening to it, growing through it, and becoming stronger because of it.

Anxiety Is a Signal, Not a Disease

Humble the Poet explains to Jay Shetty that anxiety is not something we need to medicate, fix, or fear. Rather, he describes it as a signal or a natural response that alerts us when something needs our attention. According to the speaker, our modern society tends to avoid, distract, or medicate emotional discomfort, particularly anxiety. Yet while these coping mechanisms may offer a temporary relief, they don't help you evolve. So, he suggests changing your relationship with anxiety and treating it with grace rather than shame.

Jay Shetty clarifies that Eastern philosophy embraces a cyclical growth, while in Western societies, healing is seen as linear (a before-and-after process). Anxiety is a feeling that will continue to resurface until we are ready to understand its message, he added. Humble the Poet's goal is to relieve the discomfort and feeling of hopelessness associated with anxiety. He believes that when we start seeing anxiety as a helpful signal rather than a flaw, we move from soothing to evolving through it.

Curiosity Over Judgment

Humble the Poet explains to Jay Shetty that curiosity is courage in disguise. He believes that anxious thoughts flourish on binary choices, success vs. failure, stay vs. go. In his view, the dualistic mindset is a form of judgment that limits growth by welcoming curiosity and asking more questions. We break down rigid thinking and open ourselves up to new experiences.

The speaker opened up to Jay Shetty about his own fear of rejection, especially when asking for help. Initially, he had organized his life to eliminate the need to ask for help from anyone, instead of directly confronting his fears. However, avoiding discomfort is not true healing, but managing. Humble the Poet clarifies that real growth lies in leaning into discomfort and understanding the core of our emotional triggers.

Moreover, curiosity diminishes fear and builds inner strength, apart from uncovering new options. When we stop avoiding our feelings and start getting curious about them, we become more flexible, more adaptive, and ultimately more courageous.

Mental Health As a Muscle

According to Humble the Poet, we often treat mental health as something fragile that we must protect from any disruption and disturbance; yet he argues it is a muscle. It is something that gains strength through challenges, resistance, and conscious effort.

Jay Shetty shares how this perspective transformed his relationship with working out. Initially hesitant, he eventually recognized that physical activity was very similar to mental strength - it isn't always enjoyable, but it builds lasting strength. Humble the Poet agrees that struggle is not our enemy, but rather the medium through which we become emotionally stronger, more aware, and more resilient.

If you consciously choose to embrace discomfort, you may become less reactive and better equipped to handle life's inevitable challenges, whether it's choosing a difficult conversation, facing a personal fear, or showing up even when it feels agonizing. On the other hand, avoiding these situations may offer temporary relief, but taking an active role creates long-term strength.

Confidence Follows Action

Jay Shetty discusses the misconception that we have about confidence and taking action: people often believe that you need to be confident in order to take action. However, confidence comes from action rather than preceding it; Humble the Poet explains that confidence is like learning how to read - you build this skill over time through small, repeated efforts. It doesn't happen overnight. If you wait for motivation or perfection before beginning, you are performing a form of self-sabotage.

Humble the Poet explains to Jay Shetty that starting when you're not completely ready may feel like falling backward into someone's arms. Even if your mind trusts them, your body might hesitate; only after multiple experiences will physical trust begin to form. Similarly, our mental well-being requires practice, not just intellectual understanding. Jay Shetty and Humble the Poet emphasized the importance of celebrating small wins, showing up imperfectly, and recognizing that confidence grows through progress, not flawless performance.

Reclaiming Boundaries Without Shame or Guilt

Jay Shetty and Humble the Poet discuss home and relationships as one of the toughest sources of anxiety. The speaker explains that many of our deepest emotional triggers come from the very people who "installed the buttons" - our parents and close family members. Returning home after long periods often brings back forgotten versions of ourselves, along with unresolved feelings of anxiety.

To address this, Humble the Poet advocates for the importance of setting boundaries, not as barriers, but as principles. He told Jay Shetty that we often confuse guilt with people pleasing. Authentic guilt comes from violating our own values, while people pleasing is about abandoning ourselves to keep others comfortable. He adds that breaking your own boundary just to feel liked creates a toxic feedback loop of resentment. Instead, respecting your boundaries (even if others react poorly) is an act of self-respect and healing.

Anxiety Is the Story We Tell Ourselves

Humble the Poet explains to Jay Shetty that anxiety often amplifies threats and minimizes our ability to deal with them. From a neuroscientific perspective, the amygdala (the brain's threat detector) acts as a well-meaning but overprotective bodyguard. It triggers anxiety, not only in the face of real danger, but also during unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations.

Sometimes, our brain creates potential threats, especially in unfamiliar situations. Humble the Poet advises taking action instead of getting caught up in overthinking. He argues that the best way to address anxious feelings is by being proactive, whether it's sending a text, asking for help, or applying for a job. He clarifies that you can't think your way out of anxiety. Instead, you must take action to overcome it. Therefore, the speaker urges the listeners to recognize when anxiety stems from imagination and avoidance, and to break that cycle by taking small yet brave actions that help rebuild trust in themselves.

Identity vs. Experience

Jay Shetty and Humble the Poet dissect the language around anxiety, particularly the difference between saying "I am anxious" and "I feel anxious." Saying "I am anxious" creates an identity, while saying "I feel anxious" acknowledges a temporary emotional state. Rephrasing your statement allows for vulnerability and connection. When we communicate our feelings without framing our identity around them, we become more relatable and more human.

Humble the Poet shared with Jay Shetty a story about meeting a German friend in a sauna in Berlin, where everybody was naked. Initially, he was very anxious to go there, yet he realized that his anxiety had little to do with nudity itself, but everything to do with fear of judgment and unfamiliarity. However, discussing his feelings with his friend created a sense of intimacy and healing between them instead of driving them apart. So, he explained that you can diminish the grip of emotions on you by naming them as temporary experiences rather than fixed traits.

Redefining Grace

Humble the Poet and Jay Shetty discuss how we see grace in our modern society. It is not an excuse to quit, but a compassionate way to move forward. Jay shared that giving himself grace during a hectic workweek allowed him to rest without feeling guilty, and so he returned to his routine with renewed strength and motivation. Similarly, Humble the Poet sees grace as being your own best supporter, especially when motivation dips or habits stumble.

Both men emphasize the value of taking micro steps if a task seems overwhelming and of breaking it down until it feels achievable. Humble the Poet calls this baby tiptoes. The goal is to keep moving forward, not to achieve perfection. When you remove shame from setbacks and you see them as part of the cycle, you will allow yourself to stay in the game, rather than spiraling into inaction. Grace becomes the fuel for resilience, instead of a tool of avoidance.

Fitting In vs. Belonging

Social anxiety often arises from being in the wrong environment, rather than from being inherently anxious as a person. Humble the Poet explains that everyone is a social butterfly, but maybe you're just in the wrong garden. The speaker and Jay Shetty agree that some people who call themselves introverts act very differently when they are in a community where they feel like their true selves. So, the key lies in becoming self-aware: when you understand your identity, you also recognize where you truly belong, and you don't need to mask anymore.

On the contrary, fitting in requires putting on a performance, which often drains energy and fuels anxiety. Therefore, Humble the Poet and Jay Shetty suggest that you should seek out communities that align with your real interests and values, whether it's spiritual conversation at the party, or niche hobbies, such as MMA or art. Avoid generalizing experiences and instead shape the experiences you desire within those environments.

Mortality as Motivation

Jay Shetty and Humble the Poet discussed the anxiety we carry around aging, death and existential uncertainty. The speaker shares a quote saying that Our problems are only real because we forget we're going to die. He even has a tattoo on his chest that reads, 'At any moment, you're dust.' Instead of viewing this as morbid, he finds it liberating because he understands that life is temporary.

By understanding life's fleetingness, we're freed from the burdens of perfectionism, shame, and the fear of rejection. Similarly, Jay Shetty invokes Stoic and Buddhist traditions that advocate for remembering death not as the source of as a source of fear, but as a means to enhance our presence and sense of purpose. Therefore, he encourages listeners to understand that resisting change often creates suffering, while embracing it fosters resilience.More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode “Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers)” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.