Jay Shetty & Hillary Duff ON The Woman Behind the Headlines

Have you ever wondered what happens when a childhood icon decides to stop playing a character and finally starts living their own truth?

In this On Purpose episode, Jay Shetty welcomed Hillary Duff, actress, singer, and author. Duff grew up as a teen idol on the Disney Channel. In this conversation, she opened up about her journey of rediscovering her identity, building a resilient family, and finding the courage to speak her truth, even in the most vulnerable moments.

Connection With the Audience

Hillary Duff told Jay Shetty that the core goal of her career has been to connect with people, even if some moments felt high and others low. After having spent the majority of her life in the limelight, she is now ready to share with the public the version of herself that is completely rooted in her truth. As an adult and mother of four, she now prioritizes truth over politeness and accepts and embraces her past rather than trying to distance herself from it.

Duff's new album, Luck or Something, is also the answer to people asking how she managed to stay real. She told Jay Shetty that she feels incredibly lucky for the path she walked on. However, there is more to it: a mix of her intuition, hard work, and the challenges she overcame. 

Although she sometimes struggles to take credit for what she has built, Duff is learning to balance gratitude with the recognition of her own talent and the gift of connecting with others. The album is a celebration of the coexistence of multiple feelings, such as pride, luck, and intuition.

Growing Up in Texas

While 25 years in the music industry can often feel unreal, Duff managed to remain grounded. She shared with Jay Shetty that her upbringing in New Braunfels, Texas, played a major role in shaping her. As a child, she liked to get dirty and used to catch tadpoles in Tic Tac boxes after school, and Duff believed that this normal foundation helped her maintain her personality and avoid losing herself in fame.

As a mother herself, Duff is now raising her children in a completely different environment in Los Angeles. However, she is happy to have had those roots that kept her grounded and connected. For her, they allowed her to feel free and innocent, which is a memory she still holds dear.

Becoming a Public Persona

Hillary Duff shared with Jay Shetty that growing up in the public eye wasn't easy, especially as a teenager. She completely lost her anonymity at the age of fifteen, when the world became interested in every aspect of her life, from her diet to her dating life. It was a strange period for Duff when the lines between her private and public life began to blur.

The journey to fame wasn't easy, and all the challenges along the way made her tougher, so Duff wouldn't change any part of it. She told Jay Shetty that the industry is not easy, neither from the inside nor the outside. While many may see only the shiny exterior of fame, much of what happens behind the scenes may feel out of control, she added.

Swapping the Perfect Image for the Perfect Life

Hilary Duff told Jay Shetty that, while her friend Megan Trainor was praised for making her life look seamless, Duff was grappling with caring for her sick children and the logistical chaos of a world tour. Moreover, Duff also opened up about her past struggles with eating disorders and the pressure to fit a certain mold; controlling her body became a way to find stability amidst all the moving parts of her career and rise to fame.

Fortunately for Duff, her health struggle was relatively short-lived; her focus changed from displaying the perfect image to more important things in her life, especially her children. She told Jay Shetty that the pressure to maintain a certain image was replaced by the confidence she gained from making her own choices and focusing on her family. One of her rocks during difficult times has been her husband, Matthew Koma, who has been by her side through it all.

Building Confidence through Competence

Hillary Duff attributes her ability to maintain a good head on her shoulders to her nature and her support system. She told Jay Shetty that her mother has been very supportive of her dreams and ensured that their livelihood wasn't dependent on Duff booking every job; she allowed her to be a normal kid, too, maintaining normal friendships and experiencing the regular highs and lows of adolescence.

Jay Shetty and Hilary Duff agree that confidence is born from competence, by doing hard things and building skills. Duff and her husband encourage their children to be competent at their level, such as making their water instead of asking their parents to do it for them. She believes it's important for them to learn age-appropriate skills and progressively add more. In Duff's opinion, the more children can do for themselves, the better they feel about themselves.

Breaking the Cycle of Traumatic Divorces

Hilary Duff described her relationship with husband Matthew Koma as her emotional shelter, unlike the dramatic rollercoaster she experienced in her younger relationships. She told Jay Shetty that, coming out of a divorce as a young mom, she wasn't yet prepared for a stable, loving relationship. She admitted she tried to test it many times, to convince herself it would last. However, it was only after her daughter's birth that she felt she could settle in and realize how strong her partnership with Koma was; committing your life to someone is an extremely significant decision, which only becomes clear after living it for several years.

Hilary Duff opened up to Jay Shetty about choosing to end their family through divorce and what it taught her; she and her ex-husband had worked hard to co-parent effectively after their split, a practice now called "conscious uncoupling". She admitted that she wished to have a healthy co-parenting relationship because she had witnessed her own parents' dramatic divorce when she was eighteen and didn't want to pass on the experience to her children.

Her parents' separation was a difficult time for Duff, marked by a lot of fighting and a lack of honesty, which left her with lingering questions and guilt. She was determined to raise her family differently and spend holidays together as often as possible. Similarly, Jay Shetty had to serve as a mediator in his parents' marriage and eventually gave up that responsibility to find his own freedom. They both agree that being the peacemaker can become muscle memory, and it takes constant, direct effort and therapy to build new, healthier habits.

Heavy Lyrics, Light Tunes

Hilary Duff explained to Jay Shetty that her song Weather for Tennis is about the exhaustion of always being the one to smooth over problems in a relationship. She sings about being a seasoned apologist and a kid of divorce, and how this experience left a mark on her. The title is a tennis analogy that came from her and her husband learning to play this sport together as a way to strengthen their bond.

Duff's We Don't Talk song touches another sensitive chord in her life; she admitted to Jay Shetty that she and her sister are not currently on speaking terms. This situation is deeply painful for Duff, who hopes that the estrangement won't last forever and that they will one day find their way back to each other.

The Optimist is a song about Hilary Duff's complicated relationship with her father and the pain of losing a parent who doesn't care. She explained to Jay Shetty that, despite the album's heavy themes and raw emotion, she wanted it to feel like a pop record people can blast in their cars. She is convinced that joy and emotional depth can coexist, and she wanted to share this belief with her fans through her music.

Growing Up Alongside Fans

Hilary Duff has four children whom she loves deeply. She told Jay Shetty that she is "utterly obsessed" with motherhood and enjoys spending time with her children. However, she realized she wanted to continue her path beyond motherhood and decided to return to music.

Duff confessed she felt a little jealous of her husband's time in the studio and decided it was time to unleash her own creativity, too. She told Jay Shetty that she wrote her album during the free moments of her busy life, during phone calls, while picking her kids up from school, or during conversations in the kitchen.

Hilary Duff also reminisced about some of her cringeworthy moments and learned to embrace them instead of trying to distance herself from her past. She is thrilled to celebrate these moments with fans who grew up alongside her, and to meet them now as adults, connecting on a deeper, more mature level.

More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode “HILARY DUFF: The Human Behind the Headlines (Her Most Honest Chapter Yet)” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.