Jay Shetty & Africa Brooke ON Standing Up for Yourself

What would it take for you to express your honest opinion without fear of judgment or rejection?

In this On Purpose episode, Jay Shetty sits down with author and thought leader Africa Brooke to discuss her book, The Third Perspective: Brave Expression in the Age of Intolerance. They examine the roots of cancel culture, the nuances of self-censorship, and the path to authentic, bold dialogue.

Cancel Culture and Collective Fear

Most of us know someone who has been publicly canceled. In today's social-media-driven world, it appears to be a modern way of approving or disapproving of someone's behavior and chastizing them. Yet Africa Brook argues this isn't modern at all. She told Jay Shetty that it's merely a new expression of ancient tribalism. Humans have always formed silos and echo chambers, and the modern cancel culture is one way of expressing it. Social media only amplifies it.

In Brooke's opinion, cancel culture is often misunderstood. While some see it as a way of making people accountable for their actions, others view it as public shaming, doxxing, and social exile. She told Jay Shetty she sees it as a form of censorship; by cancelling others, we believe they should be punished for expressing honest thoughts.

Because social media has a significant impact on our daily behavior and how we present ourselves to the world, Jay Shetty observed that we have learned to speak and show our lives in unnatural ways. Brooke talks about self-censorship, where we keep ourselves from expressing our honest opinions for fear of being misunderstood or even punished for speaking our minds. It's fear-driven, and it causes people to remain silent or pretend to agree with those more powerful than them.

On the other hand, Africa Brooke discussed social filtering. It involves reading the room and choosing what to say based on the context, timing, and audience. This practice heavily relies on your emotional intelligence. And unlike self-censorship, it is not external, nor is it influenced by fear; it's simply knowing what is appropriate to say in the room you are currently in.

Why Binary Thinking Feels Safer

Africa Brooke discussed with Jay Shetty how society prefers binary thinking; it's either this or that. But real life is not black and white. There are many nuances, and it's important to teach our minds to allow us to comprehend more perspectives. When writing her book, Brooke came up with the term "the third perspective" because she sought a different narrative. It was during her journaling in 2020 that she came up with the term.

The human brain craves simplicity, and binary thinking is our biological default. We seek safety in categorizing things when choice feels overwhelming. However, this survival mechanism that evolved to keep us alive morphed into rigidity and moral superiority. People rarely take the time to understand other points of view and entertain the possibility of multiple truths.

The Cost of Performance and Public Approval

Jay Shetty opens up about his own experiences with identity shifts, from being a monk to working in corporate environments and becoming a public figure. With each transition, he had to rebuild his self-image. It was a constant evolution. He had to give himself grace during those moments when he felt like he had failed. Jay is aware that fear of judgment can feel paralyzing, even if the judging crowd is small.

We often present ourselves in public in a way that we believe others approve of, Brooke noted. Even if it's not who we truly are inside, we put on a mask to please the crowd. 

She remembers how she used to make online posts that were meant to please, but were not in alignment with her values. While the external validation felt powerful, at the same time, she felt sick on the inside. This is when she started to pay more attention to this social behavior and the evolution of cancel culture.

The Path to Integrity

Brooke believes we are unable to allow contradiction in others because we can't accept it within ourselves. She told Jay Shetty that we all have parts inside of us that don't align well with each other. But we need to be able to give ourselves grace and accept all those parts. Only then can we extend the grace to others and begin to accept different points of view.

Africa Brooke's framework for reconciliation consists of awareness, responsibility, and expression. First, identify what you're afraid of. Then, take responsibility by asking yourself what your core values are and comparing them to your external actions. Do they align? After completing these two steps, you should have a clearer understanding of what you truly stand for and begin to express yourself in alignment with your values.

Context Is Important

Jay Shetty agrees that understanding requires listening, but with context. He noted how people often judge others based on 30-second clips or isolated incidents, rather than considering them within a broader context. We became quick to judge, yet unwilling to understand the bigger picture.

Brooke brings up a photograph of a man seemingly pushing down a woman, when, in reality, he was helping her get back up. She explained that we often make faulty judgments due to a lack of context. Similarly, the cancel culture is based on snapshot thinking, which dehumanizes others and blocks the potential for learning or reconciliation.

Reframing Cancel Culture as Collective Sabotage

Brooke prefers the term "collective sabotage" over cancel culture. She argues that "cancelling" implies deletion, exile, and irredeemability, and these are ideas incompatible with genuine accountability. Collective sabotage, on the other hand, captures the reality that individuals who are deeply unfulfilled often project their unhealed pain onto others, fueling a mob mentality.

She told Jay Shetty that this projection is enabled by social media, where the line between public and private is blurred. Algorithms also amplify our negativity bias, as they are designed to polarize. They often lead to people feeling outrage over empathy. This desire for moral perfection spread by social media nowadays creates avatars of who we want to be, not who we truly are. The two often stand in contradiction with each other. When someone dares to express something honestly, it becomes a threat to others who are still living in fear.

The Need to Please

Africa Brooke prefers honest conflict over dishonest harmony. She explained to Jay Shetty that fear of rejection or discomfort often prompts people to avoid conflicts at all costs. This, in turn, leads to suppression and resentment from their side. It's a dynamic common in relationships and public discussions.

Yet displaying social grace isn't about passivity or being a people-pleaser. True grace has boundaries. It allows space for disagreements without dehumanizing the other party. In Brooke's opinion, it's not being misunderstood that is the real tragedy, but never understanding yourself deep enough to speak with conviction.

Even the most well-intentioned people can fall into the trap of displaying a persona to the world, hiding behind a mask that should keep conflict at bay. However, no matter what you do, there will always be some people bothered by your actions or words. Being yourself is not a black-or-white matter; humans are multifaceted, and you can hold multiple truths at the same time. Africa Brooke told Jay Shetty that expression is not only about words, but it encompasses much more than that: it's how you walk when you enter a room, how you dress, how you interact with others.

If you constantly try to curate that image, you deprive the world of experiencing who you truly are. And what better way to train expression than through social interactions in your circle?

Believe People Can Change

According to Brooke, there is never a good time to cancel someone. This, to her, means that humans are seen as incapable of change. She promotes true accountability and rehabilitation instead.

Some behaviors, especially those involving harming others, should, however, not be allowed to continue. Africa Brooke told Jay Shetty that setting firm boundaries with such individuals is a must, as you need to protect yourself, too. But even so, she believes that we can offer justice rather than vengeance when someone has hurt us in the past.

Brooke adds that having convictions doesn’t mean abandoning curiosity. We can stand firm in our values while still exploring the humanity of others. She explained to Jay Shetty that the challenge is to hold space for complexity without compromising core principles.

Letting Ourselves and Others Grow

People are constantly evolving, and they may not be the same person as they were last year. Growth is inevitable, Jay Shetty noted. He opened up about how others expect him to remain constant, but we all grow. It's important to come to terms with the fact that outdated expectations (from you and others) may hold you back. Let go of them and move forward.

Africa Brooke went through a similar wave of criticism, where she lost followers when she changed her style. Yet she feels like this occurrence brought in a more aligned audience. Growth often looks messy and contradictory, she admitted to Jay Shetty. And she is thankful for those who stayed with her throughout the journey.

You are a constant work in progress. And so are your means of expression - constantly changing, to keep up with who you are becoming. Brooke urges the listeners to give themselves grace. Allow yourself to acknowledge your contradictions, missteps and continue forward without shame. But don't accept anything; enforce boundaries while still viewing others as human beings, capable of change for the better.

Brave expression isn’t a destination; it’s a practice, a daily invitation to speak truthfully, to let others evolve, and to choose nuance over noise. In a world quick to judge, real courage lives in empathy, responsibility, and the space between extremes.

More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode “People-Pleasers — If You're Afraid to Stand Up for Yourself, Do THIS to Speak Up Without the Fear of Losing the People You Love With Africa Brooke” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.